3 Secrets to Instant Charisma & Likability

Posted: October 21, 2015 in Uncategorized

Do you have one of those friends who absolutely
everyone loves? People love talking to them, confiding
in them, and they always seem to get ahead in life
even when they may not be as smart as you. These
people have charisma.
There’s a common misnomer that charisma is one of
those things you either have or you don’t. That’s
wrong. The deal is charisma is a skill that can be
learned, adjusted and practiced. It’s true! In a
controlled lab experiment, researchers proved that they
could increase or decrease people’s charisma ratings
by training them to speak charismatically.
Today I want to share three ways you can
instantly boost your charisma and
likability when interacting with other
Secret #1 : Be present
Do you notice that when you talk to charismatic people
you feel like you’re the only person in the room? This is
because they’re insanely attentive and they make you
feel important.
The difference between them and you is that while
your mind is racing about what you should say next or
how you’re being perceived, they’re “ in the moment .”
They are present and engaged and that’s why people
describe them by saying something like “ oh that person
just has a presence about them.”
Well, you can too.
How to be present in conversations
Next time you have a conversation, rather than letting
your mind run around about how the other person is
judging you or what you’re going to make for dinner,
focus on the conversation at hand. Observe your mind
the next time you’re in a conversation and figure out if
your mind was wandering or if you were listening
attentively. I like to call this the “ mental double-check ”
and you can do this every few minutes to make sure
you’re staying present.
Observe your mind like a parent watching over a
playground. Catch yourself if your mind is not focused
on the conversation and the other person. If your mind
is wandering, draw your mind back to the conversation.
Visualize what the person is saying in your mind to
stay present.
Remember, what you think in your mind dictates your
verbal and nonverbal cues. By focusing on the words
and imagining the story the person is sharing, you’ll
find it easier to maintain eye contact and react to the
other person, making them feel uber important. Since
you’re treating them like they’re the only person in the
room, you will seem more charismatic and attentive.
Secret #2 : Listen
Our society has become so obsessed with broadcasting
our own thoughts and emotions that we forget to
acknowledge others’ sentiments. Did you know you
spend 60% of your time listening and only retain 25% of
what you hear?
One of the easiest ways to make people feel good is to
show that you’re listening. People love talking about
themselves. Harvard scientists studied the human
brain while subjects talked about themselves and
learned that “ self-disclosure ” triggers the pleasure
center of the brain, the same areas that are triggered
by alcohol, sugar and even sex!
So the next time you want to be charismatic….shut up
and listen!
How to listen effectively
Julian Treasure, a sound consultant who studies sounds
for a living suggests this acronym for conscious
listening: RASA
Receive- receive and pay attention to the other person
Appreciate- appreciate by using verbal and nonverbal
cues like nodding, eye contact or saying “yes”
Summarize- you can summarize what the other person
is saying by using “so”
Ask – ask questions to get a better understanding of
the other person
Keep this acronym in mind the next time you’re having
a conversation and notice how much the other person
enjoys speaking with you. When others are talking
about themselves and those pleasure centers are
activated, they’ll be thinking you’re the most
charismatic person ever.
Secret #3 : Establish trust
by getting personal
Conversations are two-way streets. Although it’s great
to listen, you can’t solely rely on the other person to
hold the entire conversation, that would just be
awkward. There are also times where you may want to
establish trust or take the conversation to a deeper
level. You can achieve all these things by sharing
something personal about yourself .
Showing vulnerability can go a long way. In an
interesting study by Richard Wiseman, two actresses
tried to sell blenders to people at the mall. Actress one
had a flawless performance demonstrating the blender,
actress two “ forgot ” to put the lid on before blending
getting juice all over herself! Guess who sold more
blenders? Actress number two. Her vulnerability
humanized her, it made her more relatable and people
were drawn to that.
How can you begin to show some vulnerability?
How to get personal
Use the conversation at hand to parlay it into an “I”
statement where you share an experience or story. For
example you could say something like, “ When I started a
business a few years ago, I learned XYZ ” or “ When I went
through a tough breakup last month, I also XYZ .”
This is especially effective if you’re sharing something
that strongly resonates with your conversation partner,
like if you both went through tough break-ups.
To take this principle a step further, you can also
preface your “I” statements to show that you’re sharing
something really personal. You can use phrases like, “ I
haven’t told many people this…” or “ I usually don’t tell
people I just met this, but I feel like I can trust you… ”
this helps establish trust and goodwill, which will likely
be reciprocated.
Showing vulnerability can make you relatable which in
turn will make you likable and charismatic. So the next
time you want to take your charisma to the next level,
share something to make a more “human” connection.
Just like social skills, charisma is one of those things
that can be practiced and perfected. The next time you
have a conversation with someone make it a point to
be present, to listen effectively and to share something
about yourself so you can up your charisma score.

posted by Hari Krish

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